It takes two to tango, the bully and the victim.
If you’ve ever wondered why you were or are being bullied, odds are, you were confronted by a sea of coddling explanations. Generally, the explanation describes bullies as dysfunctional and the victim as being in the wrong place at the wrong time; but, if you’re bullied repeatedly by different people in different situations, this explanation loses it’s credibility. There’s an itch and anxiety that takes over your being when you come to terms with the fact that these explanations do not fit your situation. What I decided to do was change the question. I no longer ask why was I bullied. I now ask, why was it exactly me who was bullied.
If you ever suspected that you were bullied because you’re fat, ugly, awkward, quiet, small, or smelly then I am just going to come out and say it; sometimes it’s true. Our faults could have very well played a part. Facing the truth causes pain, but its magnitude pales in comparison to what you will endure if the bullying never goes away. Give yourself the green light to be vulnerable as you read this, because I’m here for you. I promise it’ll make sense and who knows, maybe you’ve secretly been wanting to hear the truth all your life.
Don’t underestimate your opponents. Bullies are smart. They command and read social situations with extreme prowess. Bullies pulled the trigger on you and on me, based on one thing alone:
They knew that they could get away with it.
We wouldn’t put up a fight. They knew our friends wouldn’t stand up for us and that their friends wouldn’t reject them for it. They probably could even smell that we wouldn’t tell anyone about it. The answer to why you were chosen as victim is a simple one; you were an easy target.
I’m not saying that their actions are excusable because we’re different; however, we have to realize that sometimes we aren’t completely blameless and their bullying wasn’t just some fluke. We have faults, like everyone else. Unfortunately, they zeroed in on those less than perfect parts of ourselves and made us feel terribly time and time again.
If you’re like me, coming to terms with that answer will be met by a sigh of relief. I stood out because I was awkward and looked funny. The trigger was pulled because I was small, timid, and because my friends were spineless cowards who wouldn’t stand up for me. Once you’ve figured out the components that made you an easy victim, you’ll know what to fix.
I apologise if this comes off as harsh; I want you to know that my intentions are pure and genuine. I don’t want us to be easy victims anymore. I want us to lose the anxiety in the background that’s keeping us back from what we desire. I want us to become life affirming, to fight for ourselves and to have better, more courageous friends. I want you and me, dear reader, to find love, happiness, and security in the world again.
I’ll end with a lyric that stood out to me throughout these years:
I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
-Owner of dat IP