Seeing dad like this has made me think of you.
How you’ll be when you’re older.
How your heart beats within your strong chest.
How your thighs are shaped and your face so young.
Seeing dad like this makes me wonder.
What it will feel like if you waste away before me.
How it’ll feel to see my strong partner, suddenly weak.
So I’m going to cherish you like this now.
I’ll plant extra kisses on your strong hands
And the legs that hold you up
And the cheeks that are so young.
I’m going to hold onto you extra tight tonight
And tell you how tenderly I love you
And every wrinkle that appears, I’ll kiss
And every ache you have, I’ll massage away.
I’ll memorize your face tonight,
Run my hands across your body as if I’m reading Braille.
I’ll feel your pulse beneath my finger tips and kiss you in time with its beat.
I’m going to memorize you tonight darling,
Before tomorrow comes.
I might be damaged goods,
But we both know you love the way I’m broken.
I’ve seen your greedy eyes pour over my skin.
I see they way they sparkle.
I see how you long to sin.
Life’s been good to you baby,
So I’ll try not to be too bad.
But then again, when people ask why you’re broken,
You can point to the crack left behind by the girl that you once had.
To you, it’s where the rain pours in.
To me, it’s how the demons get out.
Neither of us know for certain,
But one of us is right.
I bet it’s me.
But then again, you never liked to gamble,
So then why’d you take a chance on me?
What’d you want to know, baby?
What’d you want to see?
It’s been a while since I did an update on what’s going on in the life of Little Peb.
Let’s just say, things are getting crazy.
Classes are in full-swing! And boy, am I swamped. I’ll be sharing some of the short stories that we’ve been reading throughout the course, so keep an eye out because there have been some amazing authors I have had the pleasure of being introduced to and I just cannot keep their amazing pieces to myself. I have also encountered some absolutely mind blowing poetry in another course that will definitely be gracing the pages of LPA. It’s amazing how work that you wouldn’t have normally thought you’d find yourself interested in becomes so… life changing.
I’m going to Georgia! This gal, you know, the one who has never flown before, gets to head down south for 3 days of extensive training for work. I’m super excited to take my first flight and it’ll give me a bit of an idea in terms of what to expect when I take the long awaited flight to Finland. I’ll be down there to get some great insight on how to properly handle emergent cases and what truly qualifies as an emergency in the eyes of veterinary care. I’m super pumped for it.
Little Pebble’s Adventures got a facelift! I. AM. IN. LOVE. I cannot say enough good things about the amazing artist that was behind this work. If you guys are in need of any sort of branding, check out Krysten’s site by clicking here. Not only does Krysten create amazing, one of a kind, illustrative and design pieces, she is also an ethical taxidermist who creates adorable ensembles and truly gives these perished animals a new life of their own. All in all, she is an amazing artist and an absolute pleasure to work with; Krysten truly brings your ideas to life while adding her own, amazing, spin to it. So please, go check her out. You won’t be disappointed.
As I said, guys, life is getting crazy, but I’ll be trying to stay on top of it all while still posting weekly posts, so fret not. LP isn’t going anywhere!
My feet have never stepped upon the ground beneath you.
My hands have never brushed your air.
But my eyes have seen the same sun rise,
And my heart has felt pull of the same moon.
I’ve looked to the sky and seen the same stars as you
I’ve seen them all, without ever knowing;
How could I have lived a life ignorant of your existence?
How could I have not known you were there?
Somehow, I lived my life oblivious to the fact that
Somehow, deep within me I knew.
I swear, you’re not new to me;
Somewhere I met you, many moons ago.
I guess we’re what you call kindred spirits.
I guess we’re more than just a happy coincidence.
Maybe as a child, when dreams took us away,
We’d wander through our new world, eyes wide with curiosity.
That must have been where you found me.
Because I swear, you’re not new.
I know, I’ve never walked the same streets as you.
I know we bumped into each other on accident.
I’ve never been one to believe in destiny.
I’ve always been the kind to take fate into my own hands.
But now, all I want in these hands,
Let fate do what it will.
Let destiny lead me closer.
If that’s what this is,
Then maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I do believe in destiny.
Maybe fate is real.
Because, although my feet have never stepped upon the same ground as you.
And my hands have never brushed your air.
I know that one day, I’ll be standing beside you,
Realizing I was always meant to be right there.
Things I’ve Learned as of Late
Sometimes I learn things and more often than not they’re confirming things I’ve known to be true but would rather ignore. The last few weeks, I learned some wonderful things. Take a peek:
- Sharing is essential. Sure, we’ve all been told “sharing is caring;” I have to say that it was much easier to share my toys as a child than it is to share my feelings now. Maybe it’s from years of attempting to pretend that I can handle it all, or maybe it’s because I’m just attempting to be stronger than I am; regardless, it’s no longer something that comes naturally. That being said, it’s more important now than it ever has been. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to try to brush things under the rug and attempt to put on a smiling face, but ultimately that will fail and leave you feeling less than stellar. Share what you’re feeling; share your thoughts and listen to your partner as they share theirs.
- Cats are cutest. Okay, okay, I might have known this all along, but my little kitty is currently snuggled up on my lap and I just can’t focus on anything else. I mean… he’s basically the cutest little snuggle buddy around. His ears are so cute, oh my goodness and don’t even get me started on his little paws!
- People show they care in different ways. For instance, I show I care by doing random little things; some people don’t appreciate that, some do. It’s not always easy to know what it is you need from someone, but until you can figure that out, no one can give that to you. It’s easy to feel disappointed in a relationship that feels less than perfect, but remember that no one is perfect and ultimately, your partner will learn and grow with you, if you let them.
- Michigan winters will always be my fav. As much as the place I call “home” may change, Michigan will always be my favorite place. Who can beat these winters? What other place will ever feel as much like home as the mitten? I guess we’ll see. Regardless of where I call home, Michigan will always hold a special piece of my heart. C’mon guys, my state is literally waving at you!
- Self care is important. It’s so damn easy to allow yourself to fall on the back burner when things get crazy, but don’t let it happen! I’ve spent the majority of the last few weeks stressing out over work, school, my relationship, and other things that are beyond my control; it’s been taking its toll on me and I’ve finally decided to just let my worries go. I don’t know how it is that you relax, but for me it’s face masks, wine, and The Office. Who doesn’t want some Michael Gary Scott in their life?!
What have you guys been learning lately?
Don’t forget that I’m a person
Once you’ve spent all your days with me.
Darling, I know it’s not easy,
But remember what I used to be.
I used to be so daring,
I used to be so new.
Back when I was just a girl,
Before I meant anything to you.
So don’t forget that I’m still me;
Don’t forget the way to woo.
Remember how you loved me,
And I’ll remember how to love you.
When I’m no longer mysterious,
When you know my every curve.
Promise to love me like you did,
Love me like I deserve.
Maybe one day you’ll see me,
And maybe I won’t notice.
You’ll get to be a stranger,
And I’ll be the one you can’t kiss.
You’ll see me like the rest do,
You’ll see my from afar.
And I’ll be on my own,
I won’t be on your arm.
Instead of looking at me like you’re other half,
You’ll view me as a whole.
You’ll see me like I used to be
Before I stepped into that role.
And I’ll get to be me again,
And well, you’ll get to be you.
Maybe you’ll smile to yourself,
Because we both know we’re no longer new.
I get to be your partner,
Yeah, I signed my name on the dotted line.
While that means I belong to you,
It also means I’m mine.
So don’t forget that I’m a person.
Don’t forget that I’m still me.
But when I return home that night,
You can’t help but look at me and see
That while I’ve turned into the woman you love,
Somehow I’m able to be
More than just your partner,
Somehow I’m still me.
I remember the moment you slid onto my finger;
Your cold metal sent shivers down my spine.
They say that diamonds are a girl’s best friend;
But I swear, you’ll never be mine.
I met you on our last snowy night;
Your beauty reflected the street lights well.
I loved the way you looked on my hand,
Even if it was a lie,
We promised never to tell.
You’ve always been my little piece of winter,
The snowflake that never melted;
I promise you, my little gem,
When I told you, you were beautiful I meant it.
But now I look down at you,
And you’re still just as bright,
Just as clear.
But now all you hold are broken promises;
And now you hold every tear.
You used to fit so perfectly;
We used fit so well;
But now you’re nothing more than a reminder;
Now you’re torment.
And now you’re too loose on my finger,
And now we no longer fit;
I should have known I’d have to let you go;
The moment I told him, “I quit.”
I was told I should get rid of you,
That’s how you signify it’s the end.
But how can I destroy you?
After all, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
If dawn could break, that’d be great.
I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve heard the phrase, “it’s darkest before the dawn;” well if dawn could get here already, I’d really appreciate it; that bitch is always late.
I’ve been going through some crap lately and I have just been feeling super down in the dumps; it’s hard to pull yourself out of a hole when it feels like you’re insanely far below the surface. Life is scary and each day comes with new challenges we have to face. If you love and care for someone as they face some dark days, believe me, I know how hard it can be. Oftentimes you’re not sure what to say or how to act and while I can’t begin to pretend that I know what every person needs, I can say I know what I need when the times are tough and the dawn seems like it’s an eternity away.
- Listen. It’s easier said than done, but honestly, listening to someone when they’re hurting is one of the best things you can do. I know you may feel as though you need to offer advice, but venting and expressing their frustrations can be enough. Give advice when advice is due. You’ll know when that is and when you do offer advice, do it in a way that they can appreciate. I know, I know; easier said than done, but just try. Maybe they’ll return the favor one day.
- Determine what it is they need from you. I’ll be the first to admit, when I’m upset, hurting, or scared, it’s hard for me to explain what it is I need. Looking back on the past few, terribly stressful and crappy days I can see what it is I needed; I needed support. When I’m scared or having a bit of a panic attack, I need to be told, not that it’ll all be okay, but rather that I’ll make it through regardless. We all need to hear different things at different times, so take a step back and look at the situation your person is facing to determine what it is they may benefit from.
- Offer a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold. Sometimes when times are hard that physical feeling of someone being there is all that a person needs when facing trials. The warmth of another person is soothing and comforting to me; their simple presence is enough. It’s hard if you can’t be there physically for someone when they need it most; so tell them that you’d be there if you could and mean it.
I know my boyfriend has had to deal with be being super emotional and upset and while I don’t doubt our relationship in any way; it’s hard to not let fear and doubt creep into every aspect of my life. Finland is far away and I’m only human. If you’re trying to help someone through the difficulties they face, know that it won’t be easy, but you being there will mean the world.
You’ve made it through dark times before and you’ll do it again.
You’ll mark the periods of your life as
Before Me and After Me,
As if for some brief moment of time,
Something amazing happened.
Because something amazing did.
I promise you, I felt alive.
I meant it all when I told you I loved you.
I meant it when I said I wanted to stay.
I meant it when I said I couldn’t.
I told you I was broken.
During that brief moment of time
I was your girl,
At least I thought I was;
But all you had was a girl who wanted to let you in,
A girl who wanted to let you love her,
Even if you can’t smell the roses, you should still stop.
I figured it was time to give you all an update on what’s happening in this crazy life of mine! Stick with me ’til the end.
- Homegirl’s got a cold like somethin’ fierce. I’ve been hit by the funk and this train ain’t stoppin’ for nobody. But really though, I’m not quite sure what it is, but everyone at the office has come down with one bug or another. I’m not a fan. I’ve been downing water and taking vitamin C like it’s my job, but I think it’s time to call in for some back up; gotta get those meds on board, because, you know, breathing is necessary.
- Little Pebble’s Adventures is going to be getting a facelift! There are a few projects in the works and I’m so damn excited to share them with you. You folks are gonna love them, so stay tuned!
- My cat is going to the vet on Tuesday! Any of you fellow cat owners out there know that when you bring out the carrier, those buggers magically become octopuses and do everything within their power to avoid being shut in said carrier. We’re going to see how this goes down. Hopefully it’s not too crazy.
- Classes start on March 13th! I have been so damn excited for my classes to start up again, but that means that I’ve got a lot of crap to get done so I can stick with this dandy blog we’ve got here. Keep me in your thoughts, folks; If this cold isn’t gone by then I don’t know how I’m going to handle working full time, a full load of courses, and blogging. We’ll see how it goes! Fingers crossed.
- Shane Koyczan released some new, amazing poetry! Anyone who knows me at all, knows that SK’s got a hold on this heart of mine. I finally had a chance to listen to his entire Crush album. I love each and every piece on there and I think you guys will love them too. I love the sweet innocence in “Crush,” take a listen and tell me what you think.
Anyway, you’re all bombtastic and I thought I’d give you a little info on what’s going on in the life of good old Lil Peb and a taste of the awesomeness that is Shane Koyczan’s new album. Take some time this weekend to kick back, relax, and enjoy life around you; I know I will.
Have a great weekend!