Love Can Hurt, Distance Doesn’t Help

I could spend forever with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.

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I’ve been told to write about that which you dwell upon and I guess you could say I’m dwelling on this.

I honestly don’t know where to begin with this. I’ve tried writing this post for the last hour and I’m still just swimming in thoughts mixed with distractions, all of which are laced with a painful reminder that I’m here and you’re there. And I just want you here.

I’ve learned a lot these last three months that I’ve spent loving you while simultaneously being in the same country as you, in the same space as you.

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Now that I’ve been spoiled with the knowledge of what it’s like to hug you, kiss you, and do all the things that we’ve done, I can’t forget it. For a year, video calls were enough for us.  Sure, we wanted more, but we knew that it would come and we knew that we would be together. I suppose we still know that, but now the moment we were looking forward to is in the rearview mirror on this road in which there is no U-turn.

I don’t even know where to begin in order to unburden myself of this heartache, but I suppose the beginning is the best.

This past October, I packed my bags and boarded a plane on my way to you. I spent 15 hours traveling and attempting to contain my excitement as I flew across the Atlantic. I had no idea what to expect and honestly I didn’t have any expectations, I just knew within my heart that the next three months would be amazing… and they were.

We’ve experienced so much together, all of which only deepened and strengthened my love for you. From our trip to the cottage in Puumala, to the weekend in Gdansk, and even our day at the zoo, every day started with waking up beside you, and ended asleep beside you. Precious moments turned into memories and I swear it happened all too fast.

I hadn’t realized how quickly three months could fly by, but now we’re here at this phase where we aren’t together anymore because over 4,000 miles separate us. After having my lips against yours every day, this distance feels insurmountable. I feel hollow without you in my life and after returning to a place I had called home with ease, it doesn’t feel like home.

I feel alone in a place I used to feel relaxed in. Your presence in my life is so potent that I can’t help but to wonder how I had gotten on without you before. I can’t even explain why I feel so sad, I just do. I can’t sleep without you anymore; at first I thought it was jet-lag, but now I know it’s more than that.

IMG_2995I was told that when you are away from home for an extended period of time, you’re never really able to fully come back. I hadn’t believed it before, but I do now. This is no longer my home. The time I spent in Finland had felt so natural that now I don’t know who I am or what to do. I spend my days here thinking about going back as quickly as possible, knowing that I won’t be able to for many months. I find myself wondering what we’ll do if the position I have at the Helsinki based company falls through and it terrifies me.

I’m not afraid that we won’t make it. I’m not afraid that the distance will win. I’m not afraid of anything to do with us; I have no doubts about the strength of our relationship, but I just feel alone. I know that it’s not easy on you either. I know that you’re forced to live in our flat alone. You walk to the shop alone and sleep in our bed without me. You’re living our life without me and I can’t even imagine how that feels.

I guess you’re right though, this is the cost of having something amazing. We have something truly amazing. It’s been over a year and I’m not only madly in love with you, but I’m not annoyed by you, and I still crave your presence. All I want is a life with you and I know that’s what you want to.

There’s been a lot of rambling in this post, but it’s just been a way to decompress and let go of some emotions… maybe this will help me stop crying randomly during the day.

-LP

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I’m Yours; I’m Mine

Don’t forget that I’m a person
Once you’ve spent all your days with me.
Darling, I know it’s not easy,
But remember what I used to be.
I used to be so daring,
I used to be so new.
Back when I was just a girl,
Before I meant anything to you.
So don’t forget that I’m still me;
Don’t forget the way to woo.
Remember how you loved me,
And I’ll remember how to love you.

When I’m no longer mysterious,
When you know my every curve.
Promise to love me like you did,
Love me like I deserve.

Maybe one day you’ll see me,
And maybe I won’t notice.
You’ll get to be a stranger,
And I’ll be the one you can’t kiss.
You’ll see me like the rest do,
You’ll see my from afar.
And I’ll be on my own,
I won’t be on your arm.
Instead of looking at me like you’re other half,
You’ll view me as a whole.
You’ll see me like I used to be
Before I stepped into that role.
And I’ll get to be me again,
And well, you’ll get to be you.
Maybe you’ll smile to yourself,
Because we both know we’re no longer new.

I get to be your partner,
Yeah, I signed my name on the dotted line.
While that means I belong to you,
It also means I’m mine.
So don’t forget that I’m a person.
Don’t forget that I’m still me.
But when I return home that night,
You can’t help but look at me and see
That while I’ve turned into the woman you love,
Somehow I’m able to be
More than just your partner,
Somehow I’m still me.

You’re Babetastic

I’m the kind of gal who knows what she wants.

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I can write all about it. I’ll tell you how to touch me and where my soft spots are. I’ve got a heart and boy, I know how to let you grab ahold of it. It’s never been something that I kept secret, however it’s always been a bit too out of reach for most. I don’t want someone who merely plays the part of the perfect companion. I’m truly not interested in it; what I am interested in is having a person who loves me in a way that I didn’t know I wanted.

I’ve got that now.

I’ve got a guy who loves me in his perfect way. He sasses me back. He makes me smile. His heart is the heart I’m after and the one I want linked to mine. He is just wonderful and I’m feeling hella mushy today so… please excuse the mush overload that is known as this post.

When I met him, I realized I was wrong; having a creative partner is such an amazing and necessary experience. I never thought much of the fact that any person I had shared my time with wasn’t the “creative type.” It wasn’t ever an issue it was just fact. The one downside was that, if I shared anything with them, it always amazed them; now don’t get me wrong, I’m a gal who likes to woo with words, BUT it’s so wonderful to be able to discuss works in progress with my guy. I love that I can go to him with my thoughts or my struggles and he just gets it. He understands what it means to just want to be immediately amazing at your skill because he’s been there. He can vent his frustrations over his mix to me and I can truly sympathize with him. I can’t speak for my guy, but I’m so damn grateful for this creative and wonderful partner of mine.

He has shown me a different side of myself. I can accept that maybe all metal music isn’t half bad. “B” movies are pretty damn amazing to watch. I’m a morning person, at least when it comes to talking to him, I’ll happily wake up an hour earlier than necessary just to have my morning/his afternoon chats. I can push through hard times with a bit of encouragement, and by-golly, he gives it to me. He makes me feel like I can achieve my dreams and that they’re not too far fetched.

He keeps me grounded when times are hard. Just this past weekend I was stressing out over this little blog of mine; wondering if I could do it or not. I’ve been worried about what kind of writer I’m becoming, of what kind of person I’m trying to be… He asked the questions that forced me to reflect on what’s important to me, listened to me, and wrote down what I said to show me that I do know what I want and where I want to be. He does these little things without being asked, somehow he knows what I need.

His voice perks me right up. The sassy ghetto voice he does when he’s feeling silly. His fruity voice he does when he’s feeling a bit saucy. His super deep manly voice when he’s working real hard on asserting that masculinity of his. And his regular, wonderful sounding voice when I first hear it each morning. That initial “Hey, babe” melts my heart and instantly paints a smile upon my face; it makes me want to run out and buy up all the mistletoe I an find just to pull out a sprig anytime he walks by and plant a kiss on his cheek.

Also, he’s pretty damn babetastic. I mean… that doesn’t need any explanation.

Grow old with me, babe.

-LP

I Can Feel It

I love you.

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And you know what? Loving someone and trying to love someone is so damn different. With some people it’s just natural and easy to love them. It’s simple and it doesn’t require work.  Even on the bad days, they don’t seem so bad, but with others, each day is a struggle. Putting them first, loving them “anyway…” Well, sometimes, things just aren’t so easy.

I’ve always wanted the easy kind of love, but I had never had it. You know what I’ve realized though? It’s not meant to be easy as pie every day. Some days are hard, but you shouldn’t have to love someone “anyway” or in spite of things. You should love them because you love them. It should be the kind of feeling you can sense filling your heart. The kind of emotion that you can feel radiating from your body.

My love for you reminds me of that song by The Temptations- I Want a Love I Can See

I want a love I can see.
The kind of love you can give to me.
The kind of kisses to make, make me melt.
The kind of love that can really be felt, now.

With you, it’s a love I can see. It’s easy. It’s there. It’s the kind of love that only you can give to me. A kind of love that I know is a once in a lifetime kind of thing… I’m so grateful to be able to have experienced a love like this. So many people don’t get the chance to and I feel terribly for them. I do.

I’m so damn lucky because loving you is easy. I love you because I just love you. I love you not in spite of what you are or what you believe. I love you for those reasons, too. I love you because I just do. It’s a feeling I can’t shake. One that will never leave me. One that I’m more than okay with allowing to fill my heart and radiate from my every pore.

Loving you is so damn simple. Loving you is all I could want. Loving you makes my heart sore from pumping so hard, from feeling so much… I’m grateful for the pain because it shows me that you’ve been there. It shows me that your face and your presence have been gracing my thoughts, my dreams, and my life. I feel it with you. I feel it so simply. I don’t have to work at it.

I know it won’t always be like this; I know we’ll have bad times. I know that the skies will be gray at times, but the thought of having your fingers laced with mine and facing those days together… well that’s a pretty thought if you ask me. The sorrow and sadness that life brings will still have a bit of a rosy glow, even if it’s not seen by the naked eye. Even if we can’t always see it, it’s there.

Just like my heart. Even if you can’t see it. Even if you can’t place your fingers under my jaw and feel my pulse, you know that my heart, each beat, it’s for you.

-LP

P.S. If you’re interested in helping a baby blogger out and enjoying some of the best music by The Temptations, click the link below.

How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?

I’ll be me; you be you.

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Accept who your partner is and what they love. Appreciate their views and respect their opinions. Make them feel heard and loved. It’s too easy to accidentally allow someone to feel unloved by passing over the things they care for or by ignoring their feelings. It’s something you learn from experience. It truly is. In my very limited dating experience, I’ve learned how important that is. I’ve had boyfriends that I liked but didn’t even pretend to care about the things they enjoyed and vice versa.

You realize how much that can hurt someone when you’re the one dealing with the indifference. I’m not saying you have to love every single thing they do or even slightly agree with them on every topic, but it’s important that you two at least have the same basic foundation. If you don’t, it might be time to reevaluate that relationship.

The boyf and I don’t agree on everything, we don’t even like all of the same things, and I’m glad for it! I love how different we are and I think it’s so important to have those differences. You don’t want to date yourself, that’s just no fun. He might not like dancing, but knowing that he’s willing to dance with me sometimes makes my heart flutter because I love dancing and I want to share that with him. I’m not a huge fan of Star Wars (don’t kill me), but I’m more than willing to watch them with him because he likes them. Who knows, maybe I’ll become a nerdy Star Wars person because of him, I’m okay with that. I’m open to loving some of the things he loves, but that metal music will just never be my fav, sorry babe.

Regardless of our differences, we’ve got the kind of foundation that can last us a lifetime. We’ve got basically the same sense of humor. We tell inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times. We can talk about anything from religion to politics and we’re respectful of each others opinions even if we disagree. We do our best to make sure that the other person feels cared for and loved because we do love each other.

But we love each other differently. If you want to show your partner love in a way that is meaningful for them, you need to learn your partner’s love language and try to speak to them in that way.  For instance, my main love language is Quality Time followed by Words of Affirmation; this is what makes me feel loved and cared for, but if my partner’s love language is something like Physical Touch or Acts of Service, then that is how he feels loved and is how I should try to show him I love him. It might seem a bit weird at first, but it’s really nice to know how your partner feels loved because it allows you to at least attempt to love them in a way that is meaningful to them. If you’re interested in finding out your love language you should totally take the free test by clicking here and suggest that your partner does the same.

If your relationship is struggling, look and try to figure out why. If they’re belittling things you love, your opinions, your ideas, your dreams, get out. You deserve to be with someone who loves and supports you at all times. That’s not to say that fights aren’t going to happen, because they are. You can’t escape them, but you need to know how to handle them and keep the love alive while you do. Kiss them if they love being kissed; spend time with them if that’s how they feel loved; do what you can to show that you care.

Don’t let that love fade away. If it’s true, it’s worth the fight.

-LP

P.S. If the title of this post reminded you of Whitney Houston, click the link and support a badass baby blogger like myself.

 

Help! I Need Somebody!

I have a confession to make: I need validation.

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It’s not very modern, but it is very honest. Sure, lots of people will think that’s weak of me to say, but it’s true. It’s an innate human quality that cannot be over looked or ever totally snuffed out. It’s in our DNA. From birth we need to have some form of validation; we need to know that someone understands our emotions, our feelings, our needs, so they can meet them for us when we are incapable of doing so ourselves.

Please stop trying to kid yourself, that doesn’t just go away. It’s okay to need to feel validated. Quite honestly, I sit on my computer or check my phone to see if anyone has liked my posts or commented way too often, but that’s because your opinion of me does matter. Why is it that we so regularly try to pretend that we don’t care what others think?

I’m guilty of doing that myself, I must admit.

In my late teen years, I pretended I didn’t give a crap about anyone’s opinions of me, but I was lying to myself. It’s like when you’re telling yourself you’re choosing to be celibate because you haven’t gotten any in a while. Well friends, slap the sign on my forehead because I’m open for business.

I. Do. Care.

We all do. It’s okay to admit that to yourself even if you can’t tell your friends. But guess what! If you can’t tell them, it’s because you need the validation and want them to like you, and that’s okay. That’s the whole damn point of this rambling post. We all need people to validate us, to make us feel like we have something to say that’s worth listening to.

I am lucky enough to have someone that I can talk to and know that he’s listening even if he isn’t responding. Sometimes you need to have that little monologue and just get your thoughts out, but it’s so important to be able to share them with someone else; it makes it feel real. It makes it feel like they actually matter.

I think we’ve all had that experience when we’re trying to tell someone something that you’re super excited about but no one is listening and you just give up about halfway through; it makes you feel a bit like crap. We’ve all been there and if you haven’t, then you’ve got some pretty bomb ass friends.  Tell them to call me because I need that in my life.

So, friends, do your best. Let people know that their thoughts, feelings, and ideas matter to you. Make sure they feel listened to. We all just want to figure out our own mind and sometimes, in order to do so,  we have to share with others. Validate others and they will in turn validate you. Listen up and actually give them the time of day, because maybe no one else has before. There’s a first for everything, so be that first for them.

-LP

P.S. If the title of this post reminded you of The Beatles, here’s the song you’re looking for.