Winter Around My Finger

I remember the moment you slid onto my finger;
Your cold metal sent shivers down my spine.
They say that diamonds are a girl’s best friend;
But I swear, you’ll never be mine.
I met you on our last snowy night;
Your beauty reflected the street lights well.
I loved the way you looked on my hand,
Even if it was a lie,
We promised never to tell.
You’ve always been my little piece of winter,
The snowflake that never melted;
I promise you, my little gem,
When I told you, you were beautiful I meant it.
But now I look down at you,
And you’re still just as bright,
Just as clear.
But now all you hold are broken promises;
And now you hold every tear.
You used to fit so perfectly;
We used fit so well;
But now you’re nothing more than a reminder;
Now you’re torment.

You’re hell.

And now you’re too loose on my finger,
And now we no longer fit;
I should have known I’d have to let you go;
The moment I told him, “I quit.”
I was told I should get rid of you,
That’s how you signify it’s the end.
But how can I destroy you?
After all, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

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Things I Learned This Week 1.0

We have a brand new segment to add to this snazzy little blog here. Each Friday I’m going to write up a little list and tell you fine folks what I’ve learned this week so keep an eye out!

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Here’s this week!

  1. I learned how to count to 10 in Finnish. I’ve been toying with the idea of learning Finnish for some time now and I’ve finally decided to just do it. I’ve been studying the same flashcards all week because I want to have these words down pat. Ask me how you say 4, I dare ya! Edited to add: my guy thinks I sound more Japanese than Finnish when I try to pronounce Finnish words… I’ll get there eventually.
  2. I learned that sometimes it’s best to cut some friends off. Sure, I might have been friends with him for about 4 years, but if the second he realizes you’re no longer married, the entirety of the friendship changes, drop that bad boy. It is what it is and I’m better off for it. I think it’s unsafe to have friends that want to be more than that, especially when you’re involved with someone else and you’ve spelled that out for them.
  3. I learned that even the smallest creatures can fill your heart with happiness and that you don’t need to know them very long before they’ve nestled into your heart. I met a little kitten named Sweet Pea; she lived for 3 weeks and came to us early Tuesday morning in the midst of failure. Her owner relinquished her to us because she didn’t want to pay for care, so I instantly told her I would take her. We nursed her for a few hours and prayed that she would make it. I spent 5 hours with her and she passed quickly and suddenly. My heart hurts.
  4. While I can work basically anywhere, I get the best writing done in a noisy place with a pen and pad of paper. I’ve deduced that, if I’m having a hard time writing or I’m feeling stuck, I need a change of scenery and to actually physically write to get the words flowing.
  1. Being apart from someone you love is hard and some days all you want are some snuggs.

The more you know!

-LP

I Crave the Breeze

I’ve noticed as we grow, we try to tame the wild parts of ourselves.

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I realized this fact, yet again, as I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning, running my fingers through the halo of messy brown hair framing my bare face. At 15, I let the curls do their thing, but now I wake up early to smooth them into a more respectable form; I spend 10 minutes applying makeup to this face in order to “accentuate my features.” I spend a majority of my morning trying to transform into a version of myself that I’ve somehow grown into.

Why is it that as we age we feel the need to be tame? Is that just me? Surely, I cannot be the only one who feels like I’ve let go the colorful and crazy pieces of themselves. I was so eager to grow up; I wanted to have the freedom that came along with adulthood, but I didn’t realize how much would change and how quickly. I can’t stay up on the phone until 6 am and roll out of bed at 7 for work without looking and feeling like a zombie. It’s no longer “appropriate” to wear bright blue nail polish and 5 friendship bracelets on one wrist. I can’t even remember the last time I spent an entire day dancing around and eating chips by the handful without a care in the world. When did I last run for fun and not exercise? When’s the last time I spent the entire day in bed with a book and didn’t feel guilty about it? I still remember illegally piercing my cartilage at 15 and hiding it from my mother; over a year ago, I removed that little token of defiance. I think it’s time to put it back in.

But, now I actually separate my wash into lights and darks. I know how to properly iron a pair of trousers and tie the perfect Windsor knot (thanks dad!). I have to file taxes and pay bills. I realize how expensive gas is and why people complain about utilities; I can hold my own in debates about politics, religion, and culture, but truth is, I still know more about Harry Potter than I’d like to admit. I still toy with the idea of painting my toenails blue and when I’m feeling extra saucy I wear an anklet in the summer. Crazy, I know. I just wish I had realized how quickly life goes by; my dad always said that once you leave high school, time flies by. I always laughed at the thought, but as I walked across the stage at my high school commencements, I realized that I was closing another chapter and moving to the next.

On thanksgiving morning, I looked at myself in the mirror before walking out the door. I turned my head from left to right, pushed a strand of perfectly straightened, short, brown hair behind my ear, and looked into my spectacle framed eyes. I sighed when I realized that I’m no longer seventeen. Now let me explain; I don’t feel old, but I just caught a glimpse at myself and I look so different. I have faint wrinkles around my eyes when I smile and I wear diamond studs, glasses, and I do my hair and makeup each day. I don’t recognize myself. When I think about what I look like, I still imagine myself at seventeen. I still imagine the long wavy brown hair and the young, innocent chocolate eyes I once had. I don’t know when life morphed into this entirely new chapter, but the page turned so quickly, I must not have had the chance to notice this time.

-LP

Lub Dub

Each beat brings us closer.

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I love the feeling of a heartbeat. I remember learning a little trick in nursing school; if you close your eyes and focus on the feeling against your fingertips as you hold them to a patient’s wrist, you can feel the beat more clearly. I didn’t notice it while I was pressing my fingers against their skin, but when you stop and think about it, that beat holds so much information; without it, there would be nothing to tell.

I read years ago, that if you place your hand on a loved one’s chest and they do the same, your heartbeats can sync together. It may not be entirely true, as my research has been mostly inconclusive, but it’s such a pretty thought. I have always gone through life with the notion that I am a single entity and that my body and my effect stops and the border of my skin; but what if that’s not true? What if there is more than meets the eye?

I’d like to think that I am my own person. I’m different. No one knows the thoughts that bounce within my head nor do they know what I’m dreaming of as I sleep; part of me will always be mysterious. Part of me will be mine unless I choose to share it; I always thought my heart was a bit like that. But I’ve come to a point in my life where I want to take everyone’s fingers and place them upon my wrist, tell them to close their eyes, and realize that this voice wouldn’t be speaking to them without the beat that they feel. I want them to realize that without this heart, something we all have, I wouldn’t be here. It’s such a basic idea, but I feel that it’s one we often overlook.

I pray that one day, someone will be so in tune to this heartbeat that the moment it goes silent, they’ll feel it. They’ll place their fingers upon my wrist and long for the warm beat that once pulsed below the surface. I think we all want that; we all want to know that when the end comes, we’ll be missed. We want to know that our heartbeat is unique and when it is no more, someone will notice. Maybe it will change the way their heart beats as well. Maybe they’ll feel it in a way we never expected. I’d like to believe that they won’t feel alone; that they can close their eyes and focus on the heart that beats within them and maybe it will feel just like mine did.

-LP

You Get Good at What You Do, Not What You Dream of Doing

Stop dreaming your life away.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m a day dreamer. I always have been and I’m certain that I always will be. I find myself zoning out in the middle of the day thinking about random scenarios that pop into my head. I’ve always been filled with ideas and pipe dreams. I’ve dreamt of publishing poetry and stories for so long that I truly thought it could only ever be just a dream. But you know what? I’m done with wishful thinking.

I want something come out of these dreams that I have, but in order for that to happen I have to start doing something about it, and so do you! When you’ve got something in your mind, something that you just truly cannot shake; something that is constantly in your thoughts, take a  step back and figure out why you’re still just dreaming about it? We don’t need to keep up with the fantasy, we need to actually put our plans into action and make those dreams a reality.

If we want to see a change in our lives, we have to make that change. We have to determine what we want our lives to look like. Do you want to be old and frail, thinking about the dreams you had that you could have actually experienced, but instead you just kept envisioning them? No. No one wants that. You want to be able to look back on this life of yours and feel proud of what you’ve done, so make yourself proud!

If you want to become an amazing artist, musician, writer, literally anything, then you have to work at it. Each day will be hard work, but when you’re working on pursuing your passion it doesn’t feel like work. Each day is exciting and enjoyable. Each day you learn something new or you challenge yourself to be better. Who is truly content being mediocre? Not me, that’s for sure. I want to be more than just “okay” at something. I want to be great. I want to make myself and those I love proud of me, so as crazy as it seems, I’m going to work hard. I’m going to stay up late and slave over the things I love. My passions will become more than just day dreams; more than just hobbies; they’re going to become my life.

If you’ve got an ounce of determination, you can do it. If you’ve got something that you love; if you have something that you keep thinking about doing… DO IT! If you want to paint, paint! If you want to be an amazing musician, be one! If you want to quit your job and dedicate your life to your children, your passion, your family, or to whatever, do it! Don’t let fear, worry, or laziness hold you back from your goals in life. Don’t let your dreams stay dreams. Work hard at making your life something worth living. Something worth being proud of.

I’m not sure why, but the song Grow Old with Me by Tom Odell just really makes me think about this; I’m currently listening to it and it is just filling my heart with excitement.

Grow old with me
Let us share what we see
And oh the best it could be
Just you and I

Maybe it’s because the boyf and I are both pretty passionate people who want to pursue our dreams of becoming something wonderful both as individuals and as a team, but this song really just makes me think about the future. I can’t help but imagine working beside him on my latest post, short story, or poem and looking over to him as he strums away at his guitar. His brow furrowed in concentration and fingers dancing across the chords. That life… man, that life in which we both get to do what we love… it seems far-fetched doesn’t it? It might be, but I’m going to work my hardest to make it a reality. I want to live a life I love even if it is the road less traveled, I’m gonna make my way down that path and never look back.

I know you’ve got dreams, now it’s time to turn them into something great. It’s going to be hard work, but when you are living that life and enjoying the crap out of it… well, simply put, it’s gonna be great.

-LP

P.S. If you want to own Grow Old with Me by Tom Odell, and believe me, you do, click the link below to get that cool cat’s tunes into those ears of yours while supporting this sassy, cat loving, baby blogger.

 

That Guy is a Babe

Let me tell you about this kid.

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I swear he’s a dreamboat. After feeling the love I have for this kid, I know I can’t go back to the life I had.

I have always been the girl that said “Nope! No way in hell am I ever leaving the mitten.” Michigan is my home… I couldn’t imagine not being here. I thought it was crazy when girls decided to leave their lives behind for “some boy.” Well, now I’m deciding to throw caution to the wind and travel across the Atlantic to be with someone, but let me assure you, he’s not just some boy. He’s my guy. He’s my man.

He makes me want to be me. He makes me smile so much my cheeks hurt. I want to learn Finnish to talk to his family and hear stories about his childhood. I want to do it all for him. I swear… Man, I’ve never been so head-over-heels. I’ve always been like “eh, he’s cool I guess,” but with this fella there’s no denying the love I feel.

I’ve never had anything this easy. I’ve always had to fight to love someone, but I right now I’m trying to keep my heart from being completely ripped out of my chest and pulled to Finland. He’s magnetic, that guy is, and my heart is being pulled to him. I’m not testing the waters this time, I’m diving in head first and begging that the shock will wake me up and make me feel even more alive. I don’t want a life vest with him.  I just want him.

He’s a person I wasn’t expecting. I really wasn’t. Man, I didn’t plan on being so damn mushy, but holy hell, I am. I’ve always been a romantic, I’ll admit it, but with him I’m not romanticizing things I’m just feeling them. With him there aren’t any holes to patch or any safety nets needed. With him I just feel it. I don’t have to force it. It’s easy. Even the days when we’re all sassy sasquatches, it’s still so damn easy.

Loving him is natural. Loving him is all I could want. He’s that artsy-fartsy brainiac who has captured me with his thoughts, his ideas, his opinions. He apologizes for “rambling” but I love it. I love listening to him talk about literally anything and everything. He’s the kind of guy that I would love to live the simple life with. Don’t worry babe, you bring home the bacon and I’ll fry it up in the pan. Teamwork, right?

I’ll gladly be your girl for the rest of my days.

-LP

 

P.S. I could keep going, but if my employers find this, I want them to have an ounce of respect for me, so I’ll cut it short. I love you.