The Future Seems Bright

I keep imagining that day,
You know, the one in which I hold you
In my arms for the very first time.
That day that’s filled with excitement
And anxious waiting for you to arrive.
I can’t help but wonder who you’ll look like
Whose eyes you’ll have.
The sound of your laugh.
The joy in your smile.
The shape of your nose.
I can’t help but wonder what kind of person you’ll be.
How you’ll love
And who.
They’ll never be good enough for you,
And I’m sure you’ve figured out by now,
I’ll always love you most.

I keep imagining that moment,
You know, the one in which your dad holds you in his strong arms
For the very first time.
I wonder what he’ll be thinking as he looks into your precious eyes
And feels your soft, fragile body against his chest.
I think we’ll both be looking down at you
Wondering how we got so lucky,
How we deserved to know what a love so pure felt like.
How we came to deserve you.
And how our love
Well, how our love made you.
And as I watch him look at you,
I know I’ll realize
I’ll always love him most.

I can’t help but imagine what you’ll be like as you grow.
How your voice will sound.
How your brow will furrow in concentration.
How you’ll be sweet and loving
And strong and fearless.
How you’ll hold your daddy’s hand
As we walk down the aisle.
Our little family
And our simple little love filled life.
I swear, I’ll look ahead at you both
And smile as I realize
I’ll always love these moments most.

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Note to Self: Take Your Own Advice

Be braver than you think you can be.

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If you’re scared, stop being scared and be brave instead. It’s not easy and I’m not trying to make it seem like it is. Being brave is the most difficult thing you could ever do. When things are scary it’s so much easier to run back to a safe place; to retreat within yourself and allow yourself to never fully blossom. It’s so easy to throw your hands up and listen to the doubts floating around within your mind. I know it is.

I’ve been there and I’m there right now. I’m a fix-it kind of person, so when things get hard, my main goal is to keep the peace. (Unless you catch me on one of my sassy days… then that’s a completely different story.) I don’t like conflict and I don’t like hurting others, but a wise person once told me that even if what you’re doing hurts, if the outcome is a generative one, it was worth it. You might have to break down those muscles of yours and realize that you’re going to be sore for a while, but that soreness will strengthen you in the end.

Life is full of conflict and hurt. It’s full of trials that make you feel like maybe you’ll never not be broken. These trials that you face are scary as fuck. They’re hard and you probably don’t want to deal with them. I don’t blame you for that! And quite frankly, I don’t blame myself for that either; but we have to realize that we’re human. We make mistakes and so long as we learn from them and move forward, it’s okay.

I have made so many mistakes in my life. I swear they’ve just been happening one after another after another. When I look back on them, they make me feel like utter crap. They make my heart hurt because I even when I was making them, I should have known they were mistakes. Maybe I ignored it, maybe I was blind… who knows, but the past is behind me and all I can look to is the future. So I’m going to and I hope you do the same.

Be brave when you’re faced with trials. Be brave when things get hard. Be brave and put yourself out there because you never know what might happen. If you make a mistake, take note and move forward. Learn from it and forgive yourself for making it. You don’t need to keep glancing over your shoulder at the past behind you; you’ve got a bright and sunny future, my friend. Act like it.

-LP

I Can Feel It

I love you.

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And you know what? Loving someone and trying to love someone is so damn different. With some people it’s just natural and easy to love them. It’s simple and it doesn’t require work.  Even on the bad days, they don’t seem so bad, but with others, each day is a struggle. Putting them first, loving them “anyway…” Well, sometimes, things just aren’t so easy.

I’ve always wanted the easy kind of love, but I had never had it. You know what I’ve realized though? It’s not meant to be easy as pie every day. Some days are hard, but you shouldn’t have to love someone “anyway” or in spite of things. You should love them because you love them. It should be the kind of feeling you can sense filling your heart. The kind of emotion that you can feel radiating from your body.

My love for you reminds me of that song by The Temptations- I Want a Love I Can See

I want a love I can see.
The kind of love you can give to me.
The kind of kisses to make, make me melt.
The kind of love that can really be felt, now.

With you, it’s a love I can see. It’s easy. It’s there. It’s the kind of love that only you can give to me. A kind of love that I know is a once in a lifetime kind of thing… I’m so grateful to be able to have experienced a love like this. So many people don’t get the chance to and I feel terribly for them. I do.

I’m so damn lucky because loving you is easy. I love you because I just love you. I love you not in spite of what you are or what you believe. I love you for those reasons, too. I love you because I just do. It’s a feeling I can’t shake. One that will never leave me. One that I’m more than okay with allowing to fill my heart and radiate from my every pore.

Loving you is so damn simple. Loving you is all I could want. Loving you makes my heart sore from pumping so hard, from feeling so much… I’m grateful for the pain because it shows me that you’ve been there. It shows me that your face and your presence have been gracing my thoughts, my dreams, and my life. I feel it with you. I feel it so simply. I don’t have to work at it.

I know it won’t always be like this; I know we’ll have bad times. I know that the skies will be gray at times, but the thought of having your fingers laced with mine and facing those days together… well that’s a pretty thought if you ask me. The sorrow and sadness that life brings will still have a bit of a rosy glow, even if it’s not seen by the naked eye. Even if we can’t always see it, it’s there.

Just like my heart. Even if you can’t see it. Even if you can’t place your fingers under my jaw and feel my pulse, you know that my heart, each beat, it’s for you.

-LP

P.S. If you’re interested in helping a baby blogger out and enjoying some of the best music by The Temptations, click the link below.

Time Keeps Rushing on by.

Why put off ’til tomorrow what you can do today?

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New Year’s resolutions are dumb. I said it. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been thinking it for some time, but for some reason people want to pretend that come the first of the year, they’re gonna make a change! It doesn’t ever really last and quite frankly choosing some arbitrary date in the future to make this “change” is just pointless.

Start before you’re ready. Start now! If you want to lose 50lbs, or stop drinking pop, or write a new book, or start a new workout routine, or anything really, start now! I’ve always been the kind of person who waits until a Monday or the beginning of the month, or yes… the beginning of the New Year to make a change, but I’ve put those “resolutions” to rest.

Even if you feel unprepared, try your hand at starting today. Don’t expect perfection because you will fail, but pick yourself back up and try again the next day. Practice makes progress! (Or so my old nursing instructor used to say.) Try to become better each day, but take it one step at a time.

You cannot pick up a trade, make a lifestyle change, or even really do anything cold turkey like that. For those of you that can, you’re basically my hero. I am weak willed, easily swayed;  I’m a girl who loses her footing constantly and is always fumbling down the path. I’m totally okay with that though! I know that when I start a “diet”, a workout routine, or a plan to start writing, I’m going to fail. I’m going to miss days. I’m going to cheat on my diet. Even if I pretend that I won’t! Even if I have the best intentions. It happens. Life gets crazy and out of hand at times and things can slip.

Which is why I’m not going to wait until the first to make changes to my life. I’m going to start today and you should too!

 

-LP

How Did I Get Here?

Honestly, I’d like to know.

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I just can’t believe that my life has gotten to this point; a point in which my heart is just so full. I truly lucked into this life. You know how people always talk about that one pivotal moment in their lives when everything changes? Yeah, I’m having that. Well I had it, but it’s still in the process of changing. It’s just crazy.

It’s crazy to think about where I was almost a month ago. What I was doing, who I was with, how I was feeling, where life was taking me. Honestly, I wish my old self knew what amazingness was coming my way. It’s mind boggling thinking about all the days I felt lonelier and less happy than I should have felt. Had I known what was coming my way, I would have squashed those damn thoughts like a big ugly spider. And I’m afraid of spiders, so that’s some serious shit.

I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not anxious like I used to be. I don’t feel depressed or like this unimaginable weight is crushing my chest. I feel free. I feel loved. I feel at peace. I’m not saying that I don’t still have moments of “oh shit what’s happening,” because I do. But I love those moments because they lead me to you.

One day these days will be a distant memory. One day we’ll tell our grandkids about the whirlwind love we found ourselves wrapped up in. We’ll tell them to trust the feeling, that the proof is in the pudding. We’ll tell them to just dive into a love when you know it’s pure and true. One day, when we’re old and gray, you’ll be rocking beside me; you’ll look to me and say “24m” and it’ll happen all over again.

-LP

How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?

I’ll be me; you be you.

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Accept who your partner is and what they love. Appreciate their views and respect their opinions. Make them feel heard and loved. It’s too easy to accidentally allow someone to feel unloved by passing over the things they care for or by ignoring their feelings. It’s something you learn from experience. It truly is. In my very limited dating experience, I’ve learned how important that is. I’ve had boyfriends that I liked but didn’t even pretend to care about the things they enjoyed and vice versa.

You realize how much that can hurt someone when you’re the one dealing with the indifference. I’m not saying you have to love every single thing they do or even slightly agree with them on every topic, but it’s important that you two at least have the same basic foundation. If you don’t, it might be time to reevaluate that relationship.

The boyf and I don’t agree on everything, we don’t even like all of the same things, and I’m glad for it! I love how different we are and I think it’s so important to have those differences. You don’t want to date yourself, that’s just no fun. He might not like dancing, but knowing that he’s willing to dance with me sometimes makes my heart flutter because I love dancing and I want to share that with him. I’m not a huge fan of Star Wars (don’t kill me), but I’m more than willing to watch them with him because he likes them. Who knows, maybe I’ll become a nerdy Star Wars person because of him, I’m okay with that. I’m open to loving some of the things he loves, but that metal music will just never be my fav, sorry babe.

Regardless of our differences, we’ve got the kind of foundation that can last us a lifetime. We’ve got basically the same sense of humor. We tell inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times. We can talk about anything from religion to politics and we’re respectful of each others opinions even if we disagree. We do our best to make sure that the other person feels cared for and loved because we do love each other.

But we love each other differently. If you want to show your partner love in a way that is meaningful for them, you need to learn your partner’s love language and try to speak to them in that way.  For instance, my main love language is Quality Time followed by Words of Affirmation; this is what makes me feel loved and cared for, but if my partner’s love language is something like Physical Touch or Acts of Service, then that is how he feels loved and is how I should try to show him I love him. It might seem a bit weird at first, but it’s really nice to know how your partner feels loved because it allows you to at least attempt to love them in a way that is meaningful to them. If you’re interested in finding out your love language you should totally take the free test by clicking here and suggest that your partner does the same.

If your relationship is struggling, look and try to figure out why. If they’re belittling things you love, your opinions, your ideas, your dreams, get out. You deserve to be with someone who loves and supports you at all times. That’s not to say that fights aren’t going to happen, because they are. You can’t escape them, but you need to know how to handle them and keep the love alive while you do. Kiss them if they love being kissed; spend time with them if that’s how they feel loved; do what you can to show that you care.

Don’t let that love fade away. If it’s true, it’s worth the fight.

-LP

P.S. If the title of this post reminded you of Whitney Houston, click the link and support a badass baby blogger like myself.

 

Those Sunny Sunday Mornings

You don’t really realize how important music is to you until you stop listening to it.

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I went on a very long hiatus from listening to music and now that those tunes are back in my ears, I just can’t get enough. I didn’t realize how much I missed listening to artists from Tracy Chapman to Tina Turner, or The Moody Blues to The Temptations, or The Who (I’m pretending that I didn’t go through an embarrassingly long emo boy band phase, I’ve gotta keep that rep up, right?)

I have to say, my musical interests are extremely diverse. Some days, I want nothing more than to kick it old school with Motown; other days, like today, I jam out to 80’s music. After spending several years not really listening to much, I feel like I’ve been starving myself and now I’m just binging on everything. It feels amazing.

Growing up, music was essential. I have so many childhood memories of waking up on a Sunday morning with my dad playing some record on the record player. I would jump out of bed and run down the stairs to find him sitting on the sofa tapping his foot while he read the newspaper. He would give me a kiss on the cheek as I hopped into his lap and he would read the Sunday’s comics to me. Eventually I just couldn’t sit still anymore and I’d have to get up and dance around our living room to whatever was playing that day. I swear, those Sundays always seemed to be a bit sunnier, a bit happier; more full of life and laughter. Those Sundays were my favorite.

I grew up singing Big Girls Don’t Cry by Frankie Vallie & the Four Seasons in the car on trips to the store, or grabbing a handful of CD’s (he never cared which) and running out to the car before we left for vacation. We’d play in the backyard with a CD player playing anything from Motown to Classic Rock. Dad taught me about Bob Dylan and showed me that even if your voice doesn’t fit the societal norm of “perfection” that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing.

He made music a part of who I am. I’m not musically inclined; I can barely read sheet music, but I can appreciate some good lyrics and a wonderful tune. I can’t believe that I allowed myself to lose such a huge part of myself, but at least I found it again. At least I’m dancing around now to songs that remind me of back then, to songs that make me think of today, and songs that make me dream of the future.

I can’t help but sit here imagining myself boppin’ down the street with a boom box on my shoulder, crankin’ tunes, and singing along. A girl can dream… I’m pretty sure that those I live with would rather I not be listening to music because my singing is less than magical. Sorry guys! Girls just wanna have fun, am I right?

-LP

Lazy Sunday Wisdom with Calvin and Hobbes

I’d like to start out by saying that you can expect to see some Calvin and Hobbes Wisdom each Sunday, so keep your eyes peeled!

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Let’s be realistic here; who likes to leave their comfort zone? If you raised your hand, put that bad boy back down because you’re lying;  if you’re not lying please come find me and teach me your ways. Seriously though, how much do you charge?

It’s so much easier to just be comfortable and never put yourself out there, but it is so damn important that we don’t fall into that trap. However, I will say that I’ve been there, done that, and I’ll probably do it all over again (and probably once more, if we’re being honest). That being said, it’s truly no way to live life. So let’s make a pact to set down that tablet, cell phone, or put away that computer, get off of our butts and go explore the world around us.

All too often we are so wrapped up in our technology or other crap that just truly does not matter. We would rather live life vicariously through others than actually live it ourselves. We can’t accept that any longer. I know how hard it is to put yourself out there, especially if you suffer from anxiety or anything of the sort.

But just do it.

Seriously. Just do it. It’s scary, it’s hard, there’s no denying that, so I won’t even try to. But just realize that you can’t live your life hidden in the corner of your apartment. Stop standing by the walls at the party. Don’t sit in the back of the classroom. Go socialize! Go explore! Sit in the front, dammit! Try it. It’s going to seem uncomfortable and weird at first, but once you do it a few times it will  get easier. I promise. It won’t always be scary.

I totally understand that sometimes you just need someone to be the catalyst and get the ball rolling, so grab a friend and hit the streets. The world is your damn oyster (is that cheesy? Yeah, but who doesn’t like some cheese? Sprinkle that shit on everything.).  If someone is pulling your hand and trying to get you to go explore with them, grab a hold and take that first step! Calvin needed his dad to push Hobbes and himself out the door; his father even told him that he would enjoy it, and he was right!

See? As much as we hate to admit it, other people can be right! Especially our parents. Our parents are generally right, if we’re going to be honest. Which we are, because why stop now?

They might share their wisdom in an off-putting way, and because we are obviously so much cooler and hip we choose to ignore it, but give what they have to say a quick listen.

Try to understand the jist of what they’re saying and then apply it to your life in a way that makes sense to you. They truly have your best interest at heart even when it’s hard to see it. I must admit, I used to be pretty damn guilty of pretending that my parents were never right; that they could never have possibly gone through this situation or even have a frame of reference. I think that’s just how it is when you’re a child, regardless of your age.

I’d like to think that I’ve outgrown that phase, to an extent. I’ll admit that I still disagree with my parents, sometimes just because I must know better, right? I mean I am 23 and I’ve basically seen it all (note the sarcastic tone). Let’s be real though, when it comes down to it, our parents are wiser as much as we hate to acknowledge it.  Hopefully one day when I’m old and gray, explaining why my child’s actions are wrong or just plain stupid, they’ll hop onto this little diddy and realize that I too, felt just like them.

Maybe one day.

-LP

P.S. If you’re interested in seeing which book this strip came from, and helping out a starving blogger, follow the link below!

Is it Getting Hot in Here or is it Just Me?

Someone grab a thermometer, this baby fever is out of control.

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When I was a teen, babies were terrifying. Like who wants something that only burps, poops, and sleeps all day? Well… uh, I.. um, kind of…do. I can feel the 16 year-old version of myself rolling her eyes. “Sure, kids are cute, but I like to play with them and send them home to their parents,” she says.

And she’s right.

I’ve got those hopes and dreams to chase after first. I want to be able to stay up late, not because some baby is crying, but because I’m in the middle of a great chapter or because I’m enjoying the company of someone beside me. I’m not ready to give up my selfish ways just yet. I mean seriously.

Spit up? Hard pass.

Dirty diapers? How about not…

That being said, let me say one thing: After spending years listening to Shane Koyzcan (yeah, I’m talking about him again) his poem Atlantis is seriously hitting a soft spot on my heart lately.

I mean, just listen to these words:

Maybe the best we can hope for
Is that those we leave behind find comfort in knowing
That we’re born out of love,
And not science.

That biology explains the how,
Love explains the why,
So in the event of our deaths
We hereby bequeath all of these words to you.

And they are only meant to say that
Uncertainty is something everyone goes through.
And there is not much in the way of proof
But believe me, we loved you.

I just love that line “biology explains the how, but love explains the why.” As someone with a strong foundation in biology/anatomy & physiology, I have to say that it’s crazy how scientific having a child can feel. It’s true the egg and sperm meet, things go down, and nine months later there’s a little babe. It’s just such a beautiful thing to know that biology is how that child came to be, but love is why they’re here. That’s truly magical.

I was recently talking to a fancy fella about what would be a good reason to have kids; he told me, jokingly (I think!), that it’s so we have someone to come visit us when we’re old. I’m sure many people truly feel that way, but I don’t.

I want a child because I want someone who is half me, half the person I love. To me, that’s so damn beautiful. I’m not ready for that now; I’m truly not, but it’s something I think about for sure. Once I hit 21 I started thinking babies were cute and I was about half-way considering having one, one day, in the very distant future. But now, I don’t want that “future” to be that far off.

Hopefully if the boyf reads this he doesn’t freak out! Hold your horses, babe, I’m not telling you to knock me up this instant, promise. I want the fun stuff with you first. The very fun stuff, for a very long time.

-LP

P.S. If you want to hear the amazingness of Shane Koyczan as he performs Atlantis, click on this link. You won’t be disappointed, promise. *Affiliate Link*

P.P.S. I just want to add, if you don’t want kids that’s totes cool, yo! You do you, no judgement either way. Seriously.

You’re Sweet. I’m Sassy.

Relationships aren’t always peaches n’ cream.

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I’m sure we all have an idea as to how difficult relationships can be. That being said, it’s important to realize that loving that person shouldn’t be the difficult part. The difficult part should be the outside forces that are working on it. I’ve been in both types of relationships.

I’ve had to force myself to love someone and I’ve had to try to calm my tits about loving another. I have to say, I’m a pretty lucky gal to have experienced (be experiencing) a love like that. But shit still gets hard. You can’t always control your circumstances, but you can deal with the waves as they come. So deal with them.

Put in the work. Wake up early for that person; go to bed late for them. Do little things to show them that you care about their thoughts and feelings. Put yourself out there and show them how much love you have in your heart. You have to fill up their love bank so they’ve got something to hold onto on a rainy day. You are responsible for that. Sure, the modern world tells us that we should find joy in ourselves or things, but it’s not true. It doesn’t make you weak to have a bit of dependence on someone, it makes you brave.

You are brave for loving that person because people leave. They do. It’s not easy when it happens, but quite frankly, without the experience of pure and utter shit, you wouldn’t know what true love and joy feels like. So trust your heart, it might get a bit banged up, but it’s worth it.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed with the thought that something is missing, look at yourself. Look at your emotions and how you are perceiving the situation. Don’t blame it on the other person’s inability to be all that you want at every moment of the day; if you do that, you’re bound to be let down. Don’t expect perfection; expect imperfection and love them for it. Love them for trying.

I am so guilty of expecting myself to be perfect all the time and punishing myself when I’m not. It’s not fair to me and, quite frankly, it’s not fair to him. It’s something that I’m working on, but hey, I’m imperfect and hopefully he can love those sneaky imperfections while they morph into some form of a more emotionally stable person.

Life is hard. Once you get used to the idea that everyone is a bit banged up, it makes it easier to forgive yourself for the bumps and bruises you’re trying to mend. If you’re hurting, go lick your wounds. Take care of yourself. Open that Ben and Jerry’s pint and dive right in, the calories don’t count when your eyes are filled with tears, at least that’s what momma always told me.

Shane Koyczan said it best, “sadness is nothing more than the cost of being able to smile once in a while,” and it’s so damn true. You can’t have one without the other. I’m sure you’ve gone through some crap, those experiences might be running through your head right now, but just remember this, if you haven’t found the person who makes you forget about the shit-storm that is life, they’ll be there soon. Maybe their train is a bit late, who knows. Don’t worry though, they’ll show up and when they do, it’s okay to ask them, “what took you so long?” Odds are, they’ll tell you they’ve been unknowingly running in your direction for years.

-LP