The Future Seems Bright

I keep imagining that day,
You know, the one in which I hold you
In my arms for the very first time.
That day that’s filled with excitement
And anxious waiting for you to arrive.
I can’t help but wonder who you’ll look like
Whose eyes you’ll have.
The sound of your laugh.
The joy in your smile.
The shape of your nose.
I can’t help but wonder what kind of person you’ll be.
How you’ll love
And who.
They’ll never be good enough for you,
And I’m sure you’ve figured out by now,
I’ll always love you most.

I keep imagining that moment,
You know, the one in which your dad holds you in his strong arms
For the very first time.
I wonder what he’ll be thinking as he looks into your precious eyes
And feels your soft, fragile body against his chest.
I think we’ll both be looking down at you
Wondering how we got so lucky,
How we deserved to know what a love so pure felt like.
How we came to deserve you.
And how our love
Well, how our love made you.
And as I watch him look at you,
I know I’ll realize
I’ll always love him most.

I can’t help but imagine what you’ll be like as you grow.
How your voice will sound.
How your brow will furrow in concentration.
How you’ll be sweet and loving
And strong and fearless.
How you’ll hold your daddy’s hand
As we walk down the aisle.
Our little family
And our simple little love filled life.
I swear, I’ll look ahead at you both
And smile as I realize
I’ll always love these moments most.

Those Sunny Sunday Mornings

You don’t really realize how important music is to you until you stop listening to it.

I went on a very long hiatus from listening to music and now that those tunes are back in my ears, I just can’t get enough. I didn’t realize how much I missed listening to artists from Tracy Chapman to Tina Turner, or The Moody Blues to The Temptations, or The Who (I’m pretending that I didn’t go through an embarrassingly long emo boy band phase, I’ve gotta keep that rep up, right?)

I have to say, my musical interests are extremely diverse. Some days, I want nothing more than to kick it old school with Motown; other days, like today, I jam out to 80’s music. After spending several years not really listening to much, I feel like I’ve been starving myself and now I’m just binging on everything. It feels amazing.

Growing up, music was essential. I have so many childhood memories of waking up on a Sunday morning with my dad playing some record on the record player. I would jump out of bed and run down the stairs to find him sitting on the sofa tapping his foot while he read the newspaper. He would give me a kiss on the cheek as I hopped into his lap and he would read the Sunday’s comics to me. Eventually I just couldn’t sit still anymore and I’d have to get up and dance around our living room to whatever was playing that day. I swear, those Sundays always seemed to be a bit sunnier, a bit happier; more full of life and laughter. Those Sundays were my favorite.

I grew up singing Big Girls Don’t Cry by Frankie Vallie & the Four Seasons in the car on trips to the store, or grabbing a handful of CD’s (he never cared which) and running out to the car before we left for vacation. We’d play in the backyard with a CD player playing anything from Motown to Classic Rock. Dad taught me about Bob Dylan and showed me that even if your voice doesn’t fit the societal norm of “perfection” that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing.

He made music a part of who I am. I’m not musically inclined; I can barely read sheet music, but I can appreciate some good lyrics and a wonderful tune. I can’t believe that I allowed myself to lose such a huge part of myself, but at least I found it again. At least I’m dancing around now to songs that remind me of back then, to songs that make me think of today, and songs that make me dream of the future.

I can’t help but sit here imagining myself boppin’ down the street with a boom box on my shoulder, crankin’ tunes, and singing along. A girl can dream… I’m pretty sure that those I live with would rather I not be listening to music because my singing is less than magical. Sorry guys! Girls just wanna have fun, am I right?

-LP

Focus on the Motive not Motivation

What is your driving force?

If you’re rooting your actions, thinking, etc. in something as weak as some feeble motivation, prepare to lose it. Have you tried starting a diet, making a lifestyle change, learning to recycle, etc.? Odds are, you lost motivation half way through. I get it. I’m the same way. The excitement that gives you initial inspiration quickly fades away and you’re left wondering why the hell you started this to begin with.

Find your Motive.

What is the reasoning behind your actions? Be honest with yourself. Personally, I’ve found that extraordinarily hard to do. I like to kid myself and say that I’m choosing to do whatever I’m doing based on something smart or sparking change or whatever, which isn’t always true. Half the time I’m doing something because of how it makes me feel. It may make me feel smarter; it may spark a change within myself, but that’s not the driving force behind my actions. I am. That might sound hella selfish and self-centered, but the biggest disservice you can give yourself is to pretend that you’re not a selfish creature.

We all are. And that’s okay.

Embrace the crap out of the fact that you should be driving yourself, but don’t simply find inspiration within. Let your world inspire you; let it give you motivation, but take that one step further. Once you have the motivation to begin, ask yourself “why?”

This will help you to determine if whatever task at hand is actually doable for you. Don’t waste your time on odd jobs, projects, or people that don’t inspire you. It’s a waste of your time and a waste of theirs. It’s easy to fall into the rut of sticking with things that you’re indifferent to. I know that from experience. I let the winds of the world sway me into things that I didn’t really love; things that I was just “okay” with. It took me a long time to finally realize that I had lost that creative flame that burned inside of me. I had snuffed it out by piling on things that the old, excitable, creative version of myself wouldn’t have given a second thought.

I became a person who just existed. A person who had motivation to do these lame tasks, but always ended up giving up because I didn’t have any meaning behind it, any reasoning; I was lacking motive. Passing time isn’t a good enough reason to do something. If you need to earn money to pursue your passion; Work that shitty job. Live in that tiny apartment. Eat those damn potatoes for every meal. Just do it and remember why you are. You’re dealing with the crap now so you can bask in the glow of your dreams. Follow them. Find the meaning behind them. Find your purpose. Just do it.

It won’t be easy. Quite frankly, if you’ve lost your drive for life, it’s going to be a massive pain in the ass to find it again. Just do it. Seriously. It’s so damn worth it. As cheesy as it sounds, follow that damn heart of yours. It’s truthful and worth the risk.

Always keep searching.

-LP

That Guy is a Babe

Let me tell you about this kid.

I swear he’s a dreamboat. After feeling the love I have for this kid, I know I can’t go back to the life I had.

I have always been the girl that said “Nope! No way in hell am I ever leaving the mitten.” Michigan is my home… I couldn’t imagine not being here. I thought it was crazy when girls decided to leave their lives behind for “some boy.” Well, now I’m deciding to throw caution to the wind and travel across the Atlantic to be with someone, but let me assure you, he’s not just some boy. He’s my guy. He’s my man.

He makes me want to be me. He makes me smile so much my cheeks hurt. I want to learn Finnish to talk to his family and hear stories about his childhood. I want to do it all for him. I swear… Man, I’ve never been so head-over-heels. I’ve always been like “eh, he’s cool I guess,” but with this fella there’s no denying the love I feel.

I’ve never had anything this easy. I’ve always had to fight to love someone, but I right now I’m trying to keep my heart from being completely ripped out of my chest and pulled to Finland. He’s magnetic, that guy is, and my heart is being pulled to him. I’m not testing the waters this time, I’m diving in head first and begging that the shock will wake me up and make me feel even more alive. I don’t want a life vest with him.  I just want him.

He’s a person I wasn’t expecting. I really wasn’t. Man, I didn’t plan on being so damn mushy, but holy hell, I am. I’ve always been a romantic, I’ll admit it, but with him I’m not romanticizing things I’m just feeling them. With him there aren’t any holes to patch or any safety nets needed. With him I just feel it. I don’t have to force it. It’s easy. Even the days when we’re all sassy sasquatches, it’s still so damn easy.

Loving him is natural. Loving him is all I could want. He’s that artsy-fartsy brainiac who has captured me with his thoughts, his ideas, his opinions. He apologizes for “rambling” but I love it. I love listening to him talk about literally anything and everything. He’s the kind of guy that I would love to live the simple life with. Don’t worry babe, you bring home the bacon and I’ll fry it up in the pan. Teamwork, right?

I’ll gladly be your girl for the rest of my days.

-LP

 

P.S. I could keep going, but if my employers find this, I want them to have an ounce of respect for me, so I’ll cut it short. I love you.