When Love is a Question, not a Statement

Don’t settle.

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There’s a difference between love and comfort. 

I’ll be the first to say, I know how easy it can be to stay with someone who is comfortable, even when you know in your heart that it’s wrong. They’re not the one. If you have this nagging feeling that something is off; that your heart isn’t truly invested; leave. You deserve more and quite frankly, so do they. They might not understand and they may beg you to stay, but if you’ve got doubts, if you know that you’re settling… you have to get out.

We all deserve to feel an overwhelming kind of love, at least once in our lives. I had years wishing for a relationship to blossom into something that made me feel emotions that simply weren’t there and would never materialize. Wishful thinking turned into resentment which in turn  caused me to become someone I didn’t want to be. I had far too much within me to allow myself to be smothered in a relationship that did not cause me to feel like loving. I wanted more. Maybe it was selfish, but after spending years dying to feel a love growing from the depths of myself, I decided enough was enough when I realized that Lover Dearest by Mariana’s Trench was basically the theme song of my life.

My tongue’s turning black, but I’ll take you back.
You’re still the best more or less, I guess, I guess.

Don’t you leave me,
Well, I’m not sick of you yet,
Is that as good as it gets?
I’ll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,
It’s so easy to come back into.

It hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay.
And it might be alright if you go.

I wanted to love someone; I mean truly love someone. I was tired of settling for less than what I wanted. Who wants to be in a relationship where you sit beside your partner and wonder if this is as good as it gets? Is this it? Am I going to be feeling this way forever, wondering if there’s more, hoping for a change that you know will never come? If you find yourself in a relationship like that,  know that you’re not alone and it doesn’t make you a bad person to leave because you want more.

It makes you brave.

You might feel like complete and utter shit in the beginning; it’s to be expected. No one wants to hurt another person, but if that pain is a necessary evil, handle it. Accept the blame for being the villain of their story and know that while they may never forgive you, years from now they’ll thank you. When they’re in a relationship that gives them the love they deserve to feel, they’ll understand why you two couldn’t have worked out. And when you’re in a relationship that causes your heart to stir, it will solidify the idea that it was the best possible decision you could make. Now, let me qualify that by saying this:

If you’re thinking the grass is greener on the other side, it’s a lie.

Do not give up on a relationship just because things are hard, or one you want out of because your relationship isn’t all peaches and cream, or even because you two are butting heads; realize relationships are difficult. If you want to end it even when things are good, that’s when you know that it’s not because you’re going through a rough patch, but because you truly do not love that person. If you’re only having these thoughts when you’re fighting or when times are stressful, don’t throw in the towel.  Search within the depths of your heart and determine what your relationship means to you, then go from there.

A true love will come your way.

When it does, you’ll see why it could have never worked with anyone else and you’ll understand what all those old folks meant when they said,

“When you know, you know.”

-LP

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Johnny Cash has been a friend of mine for quite some time; I’ve got my daddy to thank for that.

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That man has a voice of gold and I swear, he was my spirit animal once upon a time. I mean, I was singing “Hurt” when I was 13 and filled with emotions I couldn’t understand; at 15 I loved “A Boy Named Sue.” “It Ain’t Me Babe” was a go to when dealing with a break up (Mr. Zimmerman wrote a killer, but Johnny Cash and June Carter perform it beautifully); and who doesn’t love “Folsom Prison Blues” or “Cocaine blues?” If you haven’t already, go watch Walk the Line, and if you don’t fall in love with Cash by the end of that film, you’re crazy. Who doesn’t love a bad boy with a heart of gold?

While I love Cash’s early music, “Rose of my Heart” is exquisite in his aged voice. I remember hearing it for the first time and wishing that the song was mine. Screw being the apple of your eye, I want to be the rose of your heart. When I think of love, I think of this song. Nothing else paints such a beautiful picture in my mind. Love is resting my head upon your shoulder when life gets tough. It’s holding your hand through it all. I want nothing more than to be my beloved’s soft place to land and the end of a hard day.

Take a look at these glorious lyrics written by Hugh Moffat:

So hard times or easy times, what do I care,
There’s nothing I’d change if I could.
The tears and the laughter are things that we share,
Your hand in mine makes it good.

You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
You’re my harbor in life’s restless storm.

Rose of my heart.

The simplicity of the song itself makes such a massive impact. The lack of embellishments adds to the raw nature of the song; it makes it feel that much more genuine. Take a listen.

This song puts me in such a loving mood. I instantly want to curl up beside the man I love, run my fingers through his, enjoy the warmth, and close my eyes. This is a song I want to listen to during the hard times as a reminder of the love I have been blessed to feel and during the good times because I know it fills my heart with happiness. So give it a listen, you won’t be disappointed.

-LP

P.S. If you happen to fall madly in love with this precious song, click the link below to purchase it and help a blogger such as myself. 🙂

 

You Get Good at What You Do, Not What You Dream of Doing

Stop dreaming your life away.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m a day dreamer. I always have been and I’m certain that I always will be. I find myself zoning out in the middle of the day thinking about random scenarios that pop into my head. I’ve always been filled with ideas and pipe dreams. I’ve dreamt of publishing poetry and stories for so long that I truly thought it could only ever be just a dream. But you know what? I’m done with wishful thinking.

I want something come out of these dreams that I have, but in order for that to happen I have to start doing something about it, and so do you! When you’ve got something in your mind, something that you just truly cannot shake; something that is constantly in your thoughts, take a  step back and figure out why you’re still just dreaming about it? We don’t need to keep up with the fantasy, we need to actually put our plans into action and make those dreams a reality.

If we want to see a change in our lives, we have to make that change. We have to determine what we want our lives to look like. Do you want to be old and frail, thinking about the dreams you had that you could have actually experienced, but instead you just kept envisioning them? No. No one wants that. You want to be able to look back on this life of yours and feel proud of what you’ve done, so make yourself proud!

If you want to become an amazing artist, musician, writer, literally anything, then you have to work at it. Each day will be hard work, but when you’re working on pursuing your passion it doesn’t feel like work. Each day is exciting and enjoyable. Each day you learn something new or you challenge yourself to be better. Who is truly content being mediocre? Not me, that’s for sure. I want to be more than just “okay” at something. I want to be great. I want to make myself and those I love proud of me, so as crazy as it seems, I’m going to work hard. I’m going to stay up late and slave over the things I love. My passions will become more than just day dreams; more than just hobbies; they’re going to become my life.

If you’ve got an ounce of determination, you can do it. If you’ve got something that you love; if you have something that you keep thinking about doing… DO IT! If you want to paint, paint! If you want to be an amazing musician, be one! If you want to quit your job and dedicate your life to your children, your passion, your family, or to whatever, do it! Don’t let fear, worry, or laziness hold you back from your goals in life. Don’t let your dreams stay dreams. Work hard at making your life something worth living. Something worth being proud of.

I’m not sure why, but the song Grow Old with Me by Tom Odell just really makes me think about this; I’m currently listening to it and it is just filling my heart with excitement.

Grow old with me
Let us share what we see
And oh the best it could be
Just you and I

Maybe it’s because the boyf and I are both pretty passionate people who want to pursue our dreams of becoming something wonderful both as individuals and as a team, but this song really just makes me think about the future. I can’t help but imagine working beside him on my latest post, short story, or poem and looking over to him as he strums away at his guitar. His brow furrowed in concentration and fingers dancing across the chords. That life… man, that life in which we both get to do what we love… it seems far-fetched doesn’t it? It might be, but I’m going to work my hardest to make it a reality. I want to live a life I love even if it is the road less traveled, I’m gonna make my way down that path and never look back.

I know you’ve got dreams, now it’s time to turn them into something great. It’s going to be hard work, but when you are living that life and enjoying the crap out of it… well, simply put, it’s gonna be great.

-LP

P.S. If you want to own Grow Old with Me by Tom Odell, and believe me, you do, click the link below to get that cool cat’s tunes into those ears of yours while supporting this sassy, cat loving, baby blogger.

 

Make Something Beautiful

As an artist, everything you feel the drive to create deserves to be created.

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If you’ve got something to say, something to play, a painting to paint, or whatever, it deserves to be made. Don’t just choose to not create something because you feel like it isn’t relevant. It is. If you have it in your heart or mind to create it, do it! Artists create. That’s just what we do, so don’t bother trying to stifle it. But realize that although you created something, it doesn’t mean that it needs to be shared with the world.

You can keep some things to yourself. Some things aren’t meant to be shared. Sometimes you just need to create them and that’s it. But don’t judge it while you’re busy at work. The worst thing you can do is be critical of your work while you’re in the creative process. There is definitely a time and place for a judging eye, but save that for the editorial process. Allow yourself to work without hindrance , without judgment, and without a critical eye. Your art deserves that much.

Once your work is complete, take a look at it. Determine if it’s something you feel you need to share or if it’s something that simply needed an outlet. I have many poems that I’ve written just because I needed to. I needed to get those thoughts and words out and down on paper. They were running through my head constantly and nothing quiets the craziness inside of myself like putting pen to paper or fingers to the keys.

I’ve also written poems that aren’t meant to be shared by everyone, but rather just the one with whom I just simply can’t articulate the words to describe my feelings through mere conversation. Sometimes the simplest poems are the ones with the most passion and meaning behind them. I wrote one that was probably one of the simplest poems I’ve ever written, but to me, there was just so much in those little lines. More than I could try to describe in simple sentences laced together with my less than perfect tongue. I needed to write it. I needed to put it to paper and get those words out. It’s like the chorus of Jim Croce’s song I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song.

Every time I tried to tell you,
The words just came out wrong,
So I’ll have to say I love you in a song.

That’s literally how I felt. I just could not articulate the words to express how I was feeling. My poem needed to be created and it needed to be shared with that one person. As much as I love that poem, you folks will never get to read it because, quite frankly, it’s the most intimate one I’ve written and the recipient is the only one who can truly and deeply appreciate it. (I think you know which one I’m talking about, babe.)

Anyway, back to the point! Create. Just make what needs to be made. You’re an artist and your art deserves to come to life. After creating, evaluate. Determine if it needs to be shared or if it merely needed to be created. There’s nothing wrong with keeping something to yourself. Some things are hard to write about, sing about, whatever; some things are just hard to share, with that being said though, don’t just not share something because you’re afraid of backlash or what people will think. If you choose not to share something, determine that objectively.

I know, I know. It’s so damn difficult to be objective about your work. Seriously, I get it. Half the time I write something, I feel like it’s less than perfect, but sharing it with the boyf makes me feel like maybe it’s not so bad. That’s so important. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have this damn blog if it wasn’t for his encouragement, in his belief in me, in his constant words of affirmation (ha! love language! holla!). But seriously though.

Just be brave; if you’re not feeling brave, fake it ’til you make it! You’ll get there. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, but also realize when some things just aren’t meant to be shared. There’s a happy medium that you’ll need to establish within yourself. No one can do that for you, so the responsibility of that falls directly on those shoulders of yours. You can handle it. Know when to create, know when to edit, and know when to determine if your art needs to be shared or if you just want to share it. If you wanna share it, share it!

Keep on creating; us day dreamers do it best.

-LP

P.S. Everyone needs a bit of J.C. in their lives, so feel free to watch that vid below.

Those Sunny Sunday Mornings

You don’t really realize how important music is to you until you stop listening to it.

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I went on a very long hiatus from listening to music and now that those tunes are back in my ears, I just can’t get enough. I didn’t realize how much I missed listening to artists from Tracy Chapman to Tina Turner, or The Moody Blues to The Temptations, or The Who (I’m pretending that I didn’t go through an embarrassingly long emo boy band phase, I’ve gotta keep that rep up, right?)

I have to say, my musical interests are extremely diverse. Some days, I want nothing more than to kick it old school with Motown; other days, like today, I jam out to 80’s music. After spending several years not really listening to much, I feel like I’ve been starving myself and now I’m just binging on everything. It feels amazing.

Growing up, music was essential. I have so many childhood memories of waking up on a Sunday morning with my dad playing some record on the record player. I would jump out of bed and run down the stairs to find him sitting on the sofa tapping his foot while he read the newspaper. He would give me a kiss on the cheek as I hopped into his lap and he would read the Sunday’s comics to me. Eventually I just couldn’t sit still anymore and I’d have to get up and dance around our living room to whatever was playing that day. I swear, those Sundays always seemed to be a bit sunnier, a bit happier; more full of life and laughter. Those Sundays were my favorite.

I grew up singing Big Girls Don’t Cry by Frankie Vallie & the Four Seasons in the car on trips to the store, or grabbing a handful of CD’s (he never cared which) and running out to the car before we left for vacation. We’d play in the backyard with a CD player playing anything from Motown to Classic Rock. Dad taught me about Bob Dylan and showed me that even if your voice doesn’t fit the societal norm of “perfection” that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing.

He made music a part of who I am. I’m not musically inclined; I can barely read sheet music, but I can appreciate some good lyrics and a wonderful tune. I can’t believe that I allowed myself to lose such a huge part of myself, but at least I found it again. At least I’m dancing around now to songs that remind me of back then, to songs that make me think of today, and songs that make me dream of the future.

I can’t help but sit here imagining myself boppin’ down the street with a boom box on my shoulder, crankin’ tunes, and singing along. A girl can dream… I’m pretty sure that those I live with would rather I not be listening to music because my singing is less than magical. Sorry guys! Girls just wanna have fun, am I right?

-LP

Read Through the Pages of Me

Wow.

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I had been searching for a new poet to fall in love with and apparently the 17 year-old of myself had some secrets that I didn’t remember. I stumbled across Andrea Gibson’s poem Photograph while scrolling through my memories on Facebook. I swear, it’s like I had never heard that poem before, like I had never heard the beauty of her voice as she performs from the heart. After perusing the internet for a while I found this poem- Yarn. The entire thing is golden; I am in love with it.

Listen to these words.

I don’t know the words to the song you were born to sing,
but I know your fingers will bleed when you play the chords
and maybe you’ll need me then like I need you now
when I say that I miss you I mean something more.
I mean I’ve been biding my time till you kiss me again.
I keep poems like secrets and then tell them when I’m tired of hiding who I am.
I am missing you most
in the silence between songs on my favorite record.
Sometimes it takes so long for the music to start.

The entire poem is filled with this painfully vulnerable love. I can honestly feel my heart breaking as I listen to her talk about the silence between the songs on her favorite record. Those brief moments that you are left with nothing to occupy your mind with can seem eternal. Moments without the one you love, seem eternal.

Have you shared the secret parts of yourself with someone before? No, I don’t mean physically. It’s too easy to give away those parts of yourself, to pretend that those parts of you are precious; they aren’t. Now please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that the giving yourself to someone isn’t special. It is, but if you haven’t told them your secrets, then you’ve never been truly naked in front of them. Share the parts of your heart. Share the parts of who you are not what you have. Share something more.

If you’ve never been truly vulnerable in front of someone like that, it’s scary. It isn’t easy to stop hiding who you are. It’s not easy to let people in. Don’t do it with just anyone. Do it with someone who deserves to know you. With someone you trust. With someone that will take all the things you’ve shown them, place them in their heart, and love you more because of it.

Not everyone is worthy of that gift. Not everyone deserves to know you to the core. It’s not an easy thing to say, but don’t let someone know all about you out of obligation. Let them in because you want them there. Let them in because you want them to know you. Let them in because in those little moments of silence, their voice is there. When you’re feeling safe.

Do not live your entire life having never shared the depths of yourself with someone. I know, I know. I told you not to let someone in unless they deserve it. What I mean is, don’t live life with someone you feel you cannot share yourself with. Don’t allow yourself to hide who you are within. You deserve to be you. Every single multifaceted side of you is magnificent. Don’t hide it.

And if you love someone, don’t hide it. Don’t hide yourself. Don’t hide your love. Don’t hide your dreams. Be free. Crack open the book of yourself and let them read the pages. Allow their finger to trace after every line as you open yourself up to them.

-LP

If you’re interested in hearing more spoken word from Andrea Gibson and supporting a blogger like myself, follow the link below.

 

Trust the Feeling

Holy shit.


I cannot believe that I was just introduced to Mr. Jeff Buckley 13 days ago. If you haven’t listened to this cool cat, check him out!

I was introduced to him by a friendly stranger that I’ve grown to love and I couldn’t be more thankful for that babe’s amazing effect on my life. I swear to you, Jeff Buckley is my damn spirit animal. His voice honestly transports me to another place; a place where I am lying on the ground with his record playing, eyes closed, candles lit, with the one I love beside me.

Put some imagery to those words:

There was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do ya?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

I can’t help but picture two people in the throes of love. Breathing in each other’s scent, backs arching, love pouring out of them, leaving a trail of passion behind each stroke of their fingertips. Imagine that for a second… imagine the feeling that you have when you’re making love to the one your body craves; pretty magical, huh?

So, do JB some justice and turn your lights out, close your eyes, and just feel it. Whenever I do this I can feel his voice hitting my heart. Those words have meaning and seriously hit me so hard. It could be because I’m in love, but regardless, listen to it and then listen to it again. Feel it and then feel it again.

-LP

P.S. If you want to support a starving blogger and get some Jeff Buckley in your life, feel free to purchase the album via one of the links below.